Why I Admire People Who QUIT!

I am a trier and a striver in many ways. Always trying new things and striving to make things better. I am also a sticker - I stick by people and things.

Now that all might sound good right?

Its not good.

I think its my perception of being 'good' and 'reliable' and 'strong'. Sometimes (often) it hasn't served me. I will be there smiling and dying on the inside, my clenched brushed teeth like a little shield that belies the 'I am dying in here' mental tract I am stemming from exploding into the atmosphere verbally. I suppose in the past I could be accused of manacling and muzzling myself for the greater good of others...yes that statement could be quite fair.

Recently - very recently I decided I was going to give up. Quit. Let go of, send it off into the funeral pyre of failures. Oh I tried, I truly tied and the feedback was I was actually quite good at it but inside...sad grey limp me.

Sady Me

I don't give up on things easily like I said I commit to things - morally. My friendships; I am the stayer, the stalwart, the through thick or thin pin. My head says I will make things work. I can be irritatingly determined. Taking things on I carefully consider it all, I take a task and pick it up and examine it from every angle, I play out the what ifs in my head, I am careful, deliberate, conscious.

Then there are those other types, the people I have met that appear to have done the same then enter into it and go...

'You know what...actually...no'

I how I have grown to admire these people, they are 10 foot tall in my estimation.

Previously I was like a dog with a bone, I would gnaw on things, toss the problem around, see if I could make it into something new, something rewarding, a karmic challenge, an blessing disguised as an issue.

Yesterday I said...

No its an ugly bone, I have tasted and tested it, there is no meat, no nourishment for me. I am not the happy dog chewing on that bone and I don't want to soon behave like the dog that's poorly fed unsatisfied and mean.

So I simply said...yes after anguish and much self flagellation I said no more to that bone and I gave up. Looking myself squarely in the eye...I hee hawed loudly, barked, waged every imaginable tail and...

 I said no more, I said that's not for me!

The inspiring Tony Robbins

>>> The Pain Growth Resistance Game <<<

I have recently spent some time reacquainting myself with some self help guru's...

stick with me.

It is interesting how life can knock you off course. For myself I had a firm instinctual vision of what I was going to achieve and the arrogance of youth (which is to be cherished) I had an unshakable belief in what I was going to achieve. It was so certain so determined in my life path that there was no question - it just had not occurred yet.

25 years later...

I am closer than I have ever been to achieving that than ever but the path I took was unforeseen and was incredibly difficult terrain. My limits were tested on every level in regards to resourcefulness. Every level. The path was convoluted and enjoyable but lead me far off course and very far from my initial goals, strangely enough however after a very turbulent period I have washed up on a shore in the place I have always wanted to be.

Now my wee brain has to catch up.

Sometimes we are 'fitter while in the fight' another term I have coined. We are on guard, at the ready, defences up, alert, hyper vigilant and not missing a thing. All our senses are engaged.

Whether the battle be a personal, professional, financial, physical, emotional, psychological one - it usually is never a solo one usually they are at least paired the battle itself for the most part exists inside.

Sometimes the battle goes on so long that once we have left that place our emotions or state want to wrestle us back inside the not so great trenches. The battle ceases to be one created from external forces and it becomes one we must firmly decide. Through habit the mind wants to be back in the trenches - what a waste of time.

Some people seek the same issue out so they never have to put the 'rock of pain' down, they just change rocks...the same experience in a different guise. Self sabotage and repetitious self flagellation - a comfortable or at least familiar 'head fellow'.

Speaking of 'head fellow' - yes another of mine, it is the same as bed fellow, who you chose to lay down with at night and wake up with is always the mind. Your head fellow can be your best friend love and nurture you or berate and second guess you. So I ask you what head fellow would you willingly befriend if you met them? Who would you make your friend? The one that wants to drag you into a mental trench or the one that reminds you to watch your step keep away from the muddy rut?

Honestly if I could book into a clinic or hospital for a day procedure to rid me of any negative thought or habit I would - I imagine it as small as a pea. Tell the doctor to whip it out!

Like I said I am so close to my dream there is no point in engaging the negative but occasionally it comes back. So why would an intelligent person find it so difficult to put the Pain rock down, cut out the black misery pea? Mind you some people have misery rocks and they make love to them they carress and entertain them, they cant live without them and as silly as it may sound some people just cant expel that 10mm misery pea - WHY?

Simple they need to make friends with their head fellow and the person you cant avoid yourself.

I never saw myself as a loser or a person who does ill towards other nor do I consider myself selfish, I am altruistic and kind. I am a giver, a lover, a nurturer, creative. I am expressive, resourceful and at times after my long convoluted journey recall in my mind that arrogance of youth and am just as certain that I am making it happen.

Sometimes the pain before the break through - before we give up on treating ourselves badly can be excruitiating before we can 'put it down' and move on, we are afraid there is a reluctance and fear - what will you hold on to if you place the pain down and walk away, what if you give up wrestling with yourself, what then?

You HAVE to face yourself - but you just might like what you see.

Tony Robbins on Google +
This is quite a long clip and examines why it was hard for these individuals to cut out the peas, put down the rocks and some were phenomenally substantial and deal with the pain associated with growth.