Joan of Arc or The Monarch of Moomba?

I found myself writing this in an email today…

'I will either be Joan of Arc or The Monarch of Moomba.'

Humour is essential, particularly when your character is under fire. Over the past three years I have committed myself, my time, energy and my capacity to a number of volunteer roles, where to my surprise I have quickly risen up the ranks. As voted by peers and mentors. This was never my plan; suddenly I was at the head of the table.

As a creative this was never the planned career path. A volunteer sure – leader - for me it came as a complete surprise. It became apparent that people I admired and respected chose me to lead. Was leadership something I had anticipated or planned for no?

               Grateful, bewildered, determined and honoured I took it all on.

It didn't take long for the discord to hit, I was scorned as an inexperienced ‘young’ female actively seeking to stimulate and enhance a static culture. Going very much against the grain disrupting the status quo my appointment was met with both cynicism and support.

Grace under fire is a choice, re activeness and judgment need to be shelved when we are personally and professionally challenged. To be challenged in a voluntary role came as a real surprise to me, particularly when it became escalated and at times personal. I must admit there was some hurt and confusion on my behalf.

When I stood back I realised that I as challenging an ingrained culture and I was perhaps being judged by my role not my integrity and dedication. We were all fighting the same god fight, but when tempers and nerves are frayed and fear is rife, the pack mentality kicks in.

SO what did I do?

I invested in understanding the experience of the stakeholders involved – large and small. I gave time to the individuals; I listened and considered the competing dynamics. From there I chose to strive for the best possible outcome for all.

It has not been easy there is no financial reward, no accolade, no real recognition pending – I was the person with the cross hairs placed firmly upon my forehead. The journey has been made bearable and at times wonderfully rewarding due to my fellow volunteers beside me, some supporting me some at times rightfully challenging me, contesting my actions and providing me with valuable feedback, which I took on board and learnt from. 

It has been a journey of growth.

Now with as many metaphors as I can muster I have sent the work out into the unknown like baby Moses in the reed basket. The joint efforts of a talented team of dedicated selfless professionals is now in the hands of an external party and we await the reply be it positive or negative leaving.

Which brings me back to that email I was composing earlier today regarding the outcome and consequences of the verdict.

 I will either be Joan of Arc or The Monarch of Moomba.

Win or lose either way it has been incredible journey, which I am truly grateful for.

I am ready for both the feather boa and the fire. 

I with my team have done our very best.

Creatively activating positive culture and cohesion wherever possible. The verdict is yet to be decided by the few then judged by the masses. Wish me the best - me, Molly, Joan and Moses. 

In order optimistic, brave and vulnerable, I'll let you know 

how we go.

My Top Oscars Acceptance Speeches So Far!

It is about the speeches...

as you will see.

Beginning with the incredible stable opening and ending in a mish mash of quite delicate emotion about her entire life - stick with it to the end. I admire her raw emotion and how clearly you can see this moment does mean everything to her.

GWENYTH PALTROW


This open hearted warm outpouring - love him! The crowds reaction- pure beautiful humanity.

CUBA GOODING JNR



This is how I might react but I think I might wet my pants fall down and have a snotty nose too. Not that I am emotional or anything...ahem. I am a kisser and a hugger too, no one would be safe I would wipe my nose on every face and or shoulder.
Her response to winning this award is incredible!
See the film Monsters Ball she deserves the award her performance was mesmerising.

HALLE BERRY


Only from the divne Sophia Loren could such an award be given so perfectly! Now its no secret that I do have a penchant for men with sexy accents and Italians in particular but Roberto here is irresistible! He speaks of love - god bless this man and his effusiveness. As he said Love is Divinity.

ROBERTO BERNINI


I think it is very brave to not only act but to give a tidal wave of emotion and thanks for be awarded for doing so, I admire these people for every facet they display, for being true, human and exposed.

::: EVERYBODY WANTS TO FEEL IT :::

Everybody wants to feel...

pretty basic statement.

Sure we all know it is truth but feel - feel what exactly?

Sometimes we think we know what we want to feel and how to get that for ourselves but when it sneaks up on us and hits the spot - Amen! Strange creatures humans all wanting to deny the fact that we are indeed cliches. Self aware bots wearing our emotional amour we savvy our way through each day.

Right now as I type some music has started playing that's perfectly bluesy and the sky is grey as the sun sets on this cold Melbourne day, it feels perfect! Yes its one of those exact moments. So I am a cliche but god it feels good.

Meeting people that connect and feel with us is magical. Sharing an interest or taste, music, food some idiotic and obscure 'like' that you may have is so rewarding. I have friends and family that share a rapport that can fundamentally 'put me back together'. Its not that I am emotionally unfolding at every turn but sometimes its like an itch that requires attention. Someone to make you laugh or say that it is okay. Its that someone or thing that re assembles the misaligned within. That said it can also be a song, a place, a type of weather, a hug, a smell, an image, an event we experience and its all okay again. We let our guard down remove our cynical filters and feel good again! We are moved, it strikes a chord and we relax and let something good in.

Tarred With the Same Brush

Nature too does a stellar job at it.
For me the best time to run is when the weather is about to turn, the wind is squally the sky is threatening. For some reason I find it exhilarating, some light rain on the face the bracing cold, trying to outrun the down pour. Then getting in to feel safe and warm sheltered from the storm or rain when it hits is something I love to feel.

Artists make us feel. Putting their grey matter out there on the line their emotions and selves its all laid bare. There is a bravery that creative people exhibit that is truly unique. Many a brilliant talent is never shared due to a type of cowardice or humility. No one welcomes a cutting comment or judgment but trying to avoid it by playing small just sells us all short.

To stick your neck out and expose a part of your brain leaves one wide open for all manner of onslaught. I am a hideously sensitive person - idiotically so. While I continue to work on that flaw I leave myself wide open by putting my personal work out there flaws and all. So when I see anothers work that resonates deep within me I appreciate the emotional risk and vulnerability involved.

Feelings and what triggers them is purely subjective as is the experience of categorising them. I have had moments of exquisite pain (although I am also trying to eliminate that too), embraced angst and willingly let myself be immersed in the misery of a song for instance. I call that doing a sad.

Massive Sad

Finding a vehicle that can exult us, make us cry tears of gratitude, sing, dance, stun, arrest is what I want to feel. There is nothing like that genuine core feeling, often it is a reaction.

So I want to recognise and thank the songwriters, composers and musicians that make my innards reel, the photographers, artists and film makers, comedians, actors, performers that have helped define my take on life, the designers of this world, the architects, the fashion designers, those that design, the animators, the speakers and the writers, the people that live with attitude and to those brave people that wear their heart on their sleeve...

Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for the reveal. Thank you for letting me feel. Thank you for putting me back together.

AUTHENTICITY AND THE HUMAN CONDITION

People are deamonised if a unique idea is unpopular.

People that are unapologetically themselves are very attractive.

I am not sure I am one of them.

Flawed fascinating original people.

I envy the individuals that have crafted their madness into a career. Brilliant bright often offensive challenging sensitive confident or not creators. Creators of characters, performers, artists, thinkers that dare. People with the sheer gusto to shove it out there, spill their innards thoughts and insights onto us mere mortals. People that create a stir, cause great debate, challenge laws and at a micro level out there just doing it.

Unconventional; men dressed as women with faux full fleshed lives that span decades, men who are short bald fat and brash that carry huge Hollywood clout. Thin delicate nervous men who perform with courage and conviction on the world stage. Humorists that deride incontinence and mental illness and aging. Artists that portray a slut as the divine. Film makers that show bizarre incest or a car tyre in place of a leading actor.

The unmistakable Bad Boy Bubby by Rolf de Heer

The brilliant and fragile looking Barry Otto

Barry Humphries, Danny Divito, Barry Otto, Little Britain, Jeff Koons, Rolf de Heer, Quentin Dupieux. Without their commercial success what might they be? What if we met these people and they had not garnered fame?

The unlikely A lister Danny Divito

'Hi I am Danny Divito I plan to be a great A list Hollywood actor and producer'

Hmmm - doesn't seem likely.

Jeff Koons 'Violet Ice'

Paris Hilton...hmmm... she does what? Gets drunk and behaves poorly with no pants or pubic hair..go ahead form a career out of that love while you are a no one. The career choices might have been slightly different.But lets get back to the unique talented ones.

What of the brilliant actor, musician, artist, performer, writer too shy to pedal their work? What of the mediocre that know how to work the media machine? I know who we get to see.

Personally fear prevents me from exposing my truest creative ideas. They are too forthright and in direct contrast to how I live my conventional life. They are rough brash raw and unedited I would offend many people no doubt, peoples ideas of who I am might be ruptured along with my relationships. Or perhaps no one would care? Perhaps it would flop, perhaps I would get just enough encouragement to give me confidence, or god forbid fierce direction.

I am always trying to be the better part of me - always.
But alas I am human so I don't claim to always get it right.

Simmering just below the surface is a performer who wants to act out the worst in me - or what I deem inexcusable in other people, to unleash the crude base uncultured moronic alter ego me. I admire it so much in other people. Chris Lilley does it so well.

I have fantasies about photographic exhibitions that would require a two month intensive debrief with the best counselors and specialists to come down from. I dream of a shocking provocative work of art. I have the characters, the sketches and the storyboards. I just don't have the confidence or the will to dare...its the dreaded cliche. Its the fear of being judged or failing its the reason most of us just 'dont'.

The small fearful me thinks I couldn't stand the glare. Big me thinks just be you.

We will see.