AUTHENTICITY AND THE HUMAN CONDITION

People are deamonised if a unique idea is unpopular.

People that are unapologetically themselves are very attractive.

I am not sure I am one of them.

Flawed fascinating original people.

I envy the individuals that have crafted their madness into a career. Brilliant bright often offensive challenging sensitive confident or not creators. Creators of characters, performers, artists, thinkers that dare. People with the sheer gusto to shove it out there, spill their innards thoughts and insights onto us mere mortals. People that create a stir, cause great debate, challenge laws and at a micro level out there just doing it.

Unconventional; men dressed as women with faux full fleshed lives that span decades, men who are short bald fat and brash that carry huge Hollywood clout. Thin delicate nervous men who perform with courage and conviction on the world stage. Humorists that deride incontinence and mental illness and aging. Artists that portray a slut as the divine. Film makers that show bizarre incest or a car tyre in place of a leading actor.

The unmistakable Bad Boy Bubby by Rolf de Heer

The brilliant and fragile looking Barry Otto

Barry Humphries, Danny Divito, Barry Otto, Little Britain, Jeff Koons, Rolf de Heer, Quentin Dupieux. Without their commercial success what might they be? What if we met these people and they had not garnered fame?

The unlikely A lister Danny Divito

'Hi I am Danny Divito I plan to be a great A list Hollywood actor and producer'

Hmmm - doesn't seem likely.

Jeff Koons 'Violet Ice'

Paris Hilton...hmmm... she does what? Gets drunk and behaves poorly with no pants or pubic hair..go ahead form a career out of that love while you are a no one. The career choices might have been slightly different.But lets get back to the unique talented ones.

What of the brilliant actor, musician, artist, performer, writer too shy to pedal their work? What of the mediocre that know how to work the media machine? I know who we get to see.

Personally fear prevents me from exposing my truest creative ideas. They are too forthright and in direct contrast to how I live my conventional life. They are rough brash raw and unedited I would offend many people no doubt, peoples ideas of who I am might be ruptured along with my relationships. Or perhaps no one would care? Perhaps it would flop, perhaps I would get just enough encouragement to give me confidence, or god forbid fierce direction.

I am always trying to be the better part of me - always.
But alas I am human so I don't claim to always get it right.

Simmering just below the surface is a performer who wants to act out the worst in me - or what I deem inexcusable in other people, to unleash the crude base uncultured moronic alter ego me. I admire it so much in other people. Chris Lilley does it so well.

I have fantasies about photographic exhibitions that would require a two month intensive debrief with the best counselors and specialists to come down from. I dream of a shocking provocative work of art. I have the characters, the sketches and the storyboards. I just don't have the confidence or the will to dare...its the dreaded cliche. Its the fear of being judged or failing its the reason most of us just 'dont'.

The small fearful me thinks I couldn't stand the glare. Big me thinks just be you.

We will see.