Friday, July 8, 2011


Change vs feeling short changed...lets start with change, the changes that occur as a result of simply being human, human development takes place largely unbeknown to the individual during life's early stages. A child learns to reach, sit up crawl, walk and speak within the first 2 years of its life although for the most part the individual is completely unaware of the giant progression and leaps taken forward in this nubile stage. The childhood years and teen years are full of milestones we are all aware of from reading and writing to physicality and rights of passage, running races, ticking off each school year and phase - again all vast and broad changes and stages of development mark these years although during this time we are much more aware.

Change in adulthood...I always touted myself or thought as myself as an individual who embraced and welcomed change, and for the most part I have even when the cards did not play out as anticipated I brightly took on what I was dealt good bad or indifferent. Now people I am by no ways a fatalist I am definitely a determinist which leads me to the resistance I am feeling in changing at present, or dually present frustration at not changing fast enough.

Being aware of change, initiating it, pushing for it is all fine and good but sometimes life and our brains are resistant - thus the rub...a comfortable rut.

So what leads us to true change, even minute?
Feeling short changed : That discomfort the grit, either it gets the better of you or you use it for impetus to change. I have personally witnessed individuals that have let a knock back or knock on their tail mar them permanently. 'It was all good till'...'If only it had have gone my way'...etc. Just as I have known persons with mammoth burdens and life challenges to have great bright spirits and get on all the same. So what about us mere mortals with only the self to instigate the change either we get comfortable in the discomfort and have an unhealthy relationship with  the resentment it builds within or we action the desired change. Behavior is so clear and easy to speak of until the heart and mind meet bringing us to emotion.
The 'rub' needs to be of enough discomfort or the change is rewarding so that we move towards it without resistance, so why when this is true do we sometimes waste time and rob ourselves, short changing ourselves of the benefits of positive change? I think its the rut, the hammy wheel, the wind is breezing through our little hamster feet and we feel we are moving, such effort, around and around, stepping of requires a wee leap of faith, but I imagine the hamster me landing then rolling and and writhing the spine back and forth like a dog face up on the lawn, then perhaps some bounding, tongue lagging out the side of the mouth happily panting after it, so I am morphing from hamster to dog - stick with me.

Well I have certainly had enough 'rub and grit' to require change so I will continue to embrace change and sometimes have to accept its sluggish rate.

This portrait of me taken by a talented friend - its more about reach, the pose, the tentative balance, the metal stretch. Perhaps this is required so we do not short change ourselves.

I will bend over backwards for myself like I used to for others and I will make the changes for I can better embrace life. Amen.

No comments: