MY Nervous breakdown ::: Featuring a Diet of Constant Shit

My nervous breakdown might come in the form of a stand up routine...

I mean why not?

Normal is neutered - and here is THE question...

Why are we so busy trying to be normal?

Oh my normal is quite extraordinary, quite well formed, quirky and self effacing it is the decade for that isn't it?

The 70's was a time for sexual revolution and role reversal or at least challenging your role as a man or woman - so my nervous break down then (had I been an adult then) might have involved a lesbian phase and a feminist book being published.

 The 80's...hmmm the drugs could have took me but I am not that self destructive so perhaps some in your face 'Vagina Monologue - esque - Fuck You' to the world.

Ladies your va-ja-jay is not that interesting.

The 90's Expressionistic but warm at heart, some giant disturbing art instillation or show? Some bizarre stuff for the sake of being truly ground breaking and avant garde.

The 00's Safe very safe - an ironic poem and some sad faceless dolls - oh yeah I did that, but this below is just as bad...ah the malaise.

The thing is
I am getting over something, processing something.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Psychological Violence.

Crime Scene Investigation

It all sounds good doesn't it? Good if it doesn't apply to you. But when there are files and fall out its shit. It's a buffet of shit. Would you like a shit roll, a shit baguette or a shit croissant with shit sprinkles and a steaming hot turd on the side? Yeah its a bit like that.

I don't take anti depressants oh no no no I am far to good for that, no I am too real. Episodes and snippets of complete denial or at least keeping up appearances is the drug of choice for me. Face full of make up, washed and appearing to be functioning. Even better be creative, funny and popular.

Refusing to curl and wither my firm grip on denial and coping mechanism - humour might just be the thing to bring to the fore.

Fuck it! There is an inner battle, continue to parade the existence or call it.
But I am no Debbie Downer - I dislike them and refuse to be one myself, my creativity and humour has keep the drugs and down fall at bay, perhaps its time I turn it, perhaps the depleting can become the tool to invigorate me.

In an ideal scenario my insecurities fall away, my will to please is put aside, I allow the words and the feeling linked to those feces encrusted experiences to be shared and regale my personal experiences.

The flames, the betrayal, my denial. Ultimately my ability, yes my ability. My ability to laugh at myself to laugh at my flaws, my shortcomings, it's actually not about other parties involved. I do not seek revenge and respect peoples privacy - this is no backlash. This is not bitter or vengeful I have seen expression and comedy like that it is anything but appealing.

As an artist and expressive creative my life and my work have always revealed where I am at.

Perhaps comedy is next...
or I could be come the next Nigella,
stay tuned.

Same But Different...

Might sound like something Vicky Pollard might say but if you thing about it it can apply to everyday.

So I hear you say 'Yeah but no but' right.

What is the same? If your lucky you wake up with automatic nervous system working, the brain is functioning lungs active, limbs are active on call, your jaw works and all is ok.

If we are all lucky there is no nuclear fall out, the sun is shining and there is no flood or fire at your door. If you are really lucky there are no land-mines, guns or dead bodies out on your street. If you are having a 'same' day you get to open your fridge and the milk is still there - I am talking that kind of the same.

The sameness of life we all take for granted yet miss like crazy should it not present itself.
"WHAT NO MILK?!"
Its enough to make to make you want to smash things apart on a bad day.

As human beings we all idiotically and seamlessly take most things for granted - like a day. Whats worse it seems is we are all aware of it. We indulge in inane chatter about the nature of these things, while quietly pining for a newer or more prestigious car.

Now I am not going to get all evangelical on you but...
What if your same was different...as of today or tomorrow? What if something untoward did occur? How retrospectively grateful would we all be.

Its not often we cherish a day, an hour, another person, out belongings, our health, our position in this life, where were born, what talents we have or can develop. Think about that for a moment think of how fortunate your normal is. I is natural or western perhaps to always want more I suffer from that affliction too.

Damn commercialism and spiritual vapidness!

What if we took our same - our beautiful same - for a moment appreciated it, embraced and thanked the heavens or Jebus for our same.

I am loving my same.

Some elements of my same, some I never want to change.

What if we took the elements of our same and made it different? Same but different.

I am embracing my same but making it different, I am taking what I do have and striving towards what I can do and we can always do more, even if not for yourself. We can grow, continue to develop use our time more wisely.

From now on my day will be the same but different.
x

:::SUBURBAN CHIC ::: SHITTY CHIC (C):::

Ok so as we have established I was a child of the 70's. So many images and icons are burnt into my consciousness. My penchant for the bad taste of the era comes in a close second to the love I have for mid century design - but its an entirely new sub category with a name I have coined myself...'Shitty Chic'. Items so ultimately vulgar and repulsive they are magnificent in all their glory. We are talking hash, trash, so bad its good.

To understand this new love affair lets just say it was always going to be fashion or art for me but I did seriously consider becoming an Industrial Designer - I am still not over perspex yet. Most fashion fads and fashions follow through to decor then food, the 90's Spanish thing, 80's Tex Mex...well things that occurred in the 70's food and kitchen wise are kind of inexplicable and there was a serious lag with some 50's cuisine being dragged along and 'updated' along the way.
Lately I have been indulging in this specific fetish and it has me so on! No place is sacred especially the kitchen. I have been collecting bad taste or 'Shitty Chic' tablecloths and ugly plastic plates and all - they are hideously lovely. May post pic's of Shitty Chic BBQ I am planning to torture my friends with at a later date, I am still busy collecting. Meanwhile here are some ideas for the menu of the Shitty Chic Book of Cuisine.

 Fancy a Terrine or some slab of Pate?

Cookbooks contained savory jelly's using Brine. Faux french food a plenty! Beef Burgundy, Steak Diane, Chocolate Mousse and a drum roll for the suburban fav' of the day....Apricot chicken - what delight a sachet of French Onion Soup & a can of Apricot nectar poured over chicken pieces in the oven could create - I must confess it was a childhood favorite.

Anyone else remember Aussie Chinese food? Kai se mein? Cool = Cabbage, another packet of another kind of soup Chicken Noodle and Mince and Viola you could feed 30 people for like $3.00....a lot of nosh for not a lot of dosh! Get me my poncho...

There were salad plates a plenty - very spesh.

Gherkins Pickles and Condiments had a special place.

T- Bones were the 'it' meat cut of the day.

Cabana was the exotic meat always paired with Coon aged cheese, the plastic film like flack jacket to cut through. You used your electric can opener to open the Beetroot and Electric Knife to carve any meat. We did a lot of meat in those days, there was no issue with fat that was the best part mmmm.....'nice and fatty'.

Check the 'Dolly' hair cut on this Mum.

The clothes and the decor was vulgar it was such an assault visually...in its own ' you need new pupils' it was bad taste heaven.

Lets toast with a Shandie to bad taste heaven...or would rather some Fruit Punch? We had this exact same bowl and cups! I wonder if I can find one?