Exposing Yourself is it a Good Idea?

Exposing what?

I have intimacy issues...

and no confidence.

I think I am transparent, to the world it might appear I am transparent - I try to project that. Cleverness and a true sense of 'togetherness' like I have my shite together, but sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I am sure I cause confusion to others. All warm and embracing, heart on my sleeve, bold brave self effacing - sometimes a little nude to express that. Painfully shy me. Loud extrovert boisterous me - I am bold brash and open. Attracted to people with open loving hearts and minds, I admire them because I am a bit of a coward.

I apologise for everything.

Sometimes I hate myself for everything.

I hide.

Either I yell jump up and down and scream LOOK AT ME...or I hide. I retract I brood I pick at my feathers like a dysfunctional bird in a cage, till I am repulsive and repugnant. It never lasts long thank god or my brain, my disposition, I don't like the misery or the failure it is unattractive to me, it is not who I am.

There is a need to make amends but then where do I land?

On unfamiliar ground on a strange land. Will I like it?

Why am I terrified to appear as beautiful? I am not remarkable - so I want to dumb it down, I don't want to let anyone down, what if I meet you and I am only me? My age, my stage, in this skin, with these contents in my head, within in my heart, what I can offer you? What if its not enough?

I have a slew of incredible photo's my partner has taken - he has exulted and perfected me. Is exposing myself a good idea I am only just me?



Life is short...

Who and What are You Entertaining?

Aligning yourself with a mentality is a badge you wear.

A drinker.
A smoker.
A gambler - usually denied and expressed as a 'like'.
Obesity.
Control.
Self denial.
Self punishment.
Bullying.
Victim mentallity.
Superiority.
Toughness.
Weakness.
Self help zealot.
Religious self righteousness.
Overly critical of self or others.

We are all human. Sometimes our flaws are least obvious to ourselves. I do not expect perfection to be embodied by any human being and I do accept foibles and self expression - I find idiosyncratic character traits endearing and fascinating.

I am not niave and have seen enough to understand human nature good and bad. I know that good and bad may co exist in society, there are carers, nurturers, destroyers and killers.

What I fail to understand at present is societys glorification and on going romance with the murderers and brutal thugs of this town. Why exult hitmen and known crimminals? Why produce series after series generational timelines and heiracy and feed it to the hungry public?

Is there not something more intelligible to tell about Melbournes history? Intimidation and injustice, murder, voilence and greed, hitmen and victims to me are not glorious tales to tell. These characters are not to be revered or acknowledged.

Why not instead look to the admirable and honorable tales. Truth is indeed more interesting than fiction. What about inner battles faced by the people that wanted and tried to do good in their lives? What about the benevolent altruistic acts? They are barely and rarely agnowledged.

http://www.benquilty.com/

Do not glorify and kneel at the feet of thugs via the media. It purpetuates the mentality. They were and are bad people with pernicious and malevolent natures that seek out the opportunity to rob, murder and steal. It is not fiction - it is not far from you. Glorification of idiocy is dangerous. From redicious footage of culpable driving and hold ups to re inacting real life slayings is giving validation and media time to the detrimental elements of life...the bad seeds. Water them and they will proliferate and grow.

Bob and John - not thugs!

Where is the regocnition of the pillars and exemplary elements of our society?

I can accept that we may all be weak, strong, human and flawed - no one is perfect but please remove these morons from my sight.

Its something I have experienced...

and abhor.